everything should come in a string cheese format

I was brushing my adorable sons blond locks after his weekly wipe down when he looked up at me and in such an articulate voice said "mother, when do I know I'm grown up" To which I replied "now you like to stick your hands in the toilet and poop in your pants, you will understand, little one, when it's the other way around" Then he played outside as I sprayed everything down with bug poison we ate some honey suckle and hallucinated together. I sure will look back and miss these times when he's all adulty and I'm "that girl" turned old with a Virginia Slim Luxury Light Menthol 120 hanging out of my mouth baking in the sun calling him once a day to bitch about our shitty relationship and guilting him with stories of his horrific birth and all the years I sacrificed so he could be successful. That's what I've decided is all I ever want to do with my life.

Meanwhile he has very skillfully thrown all of his food all over the floor and is excaping the high chair. son of a....