Yikes a Tablet!

I am never under the influence of anything but my brain. All these bespectacled bunny rabbits are seriously cramping my style but it's not their fault they are not aware of the severity of the situation. I am content with the fact that I am the only one who knows about the straps of paper flowers hanging in the bathroom wilting every time I take a hot shower. I am content with the fact that every time I try to clamp the highlighter onto the stove it is going to ignite and burn my macaroni and cheese. I am not content with the thought that quarters rule the world and over packaging is discarded in such an inhumane ceremonious fashion. I love oil filters and the smell of wd-40 so much that it makes me crave frozen entrees. My thoughts can control my mind. I am disassociating myself with everything that brought me comfort and that is comforting. I am content with looking over the edge and never going over and I am content with never looking back.

Electric Dolphin Boogaloo

the other day I was walking in the joint where dead bodies chill out forever and I read some very interesting epitaphs. If I die anytime I want everyone to remember me as the coolest human being on that moon over there. Some People were telling me their tombstones said what their name was but I was just not buying that junk at all. Sometimes I like to chew on sedimentary rocks in the car park. Also I buy everything in bulk even coffee makers. If everyone at the cemetery would just come hang out with me we would have had such a good time but it looked like they were all too busy or whatever to play. I'm guessing it's cuz it was too snowy for them to dig themselves out but I was there so I could have helped them. This one guy I think his name was John Tyler was like yo quit walking all over me cuz I'm here ya know. He told me about what it was like in back times and I sat indian style on the podium listening away. Such an eloquent public speaker I had to gasp in boredom just to bring him down a peg or two. My roast is done I yelled at the top of my lungs. And that was such a great day!

Trianglulate

To Win A game you must first get a Rat to cut down a Tree and then said Rat should throw the Tree at a Man. Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la


kd

chrismahaunukwanzakah sauce.

Just then Chihuahuas and hairy boys bought ringtones with pretty ugly trans fats so along the top of my behind I have 3X more perfection. I love close-talkers with crazy smelly violent pudding breath. Someday Artichoke all-Nighters are like being from silly Idaho around players who hate Cheese. Since 24 Hours is Always fresher over dirty cement. Also She has farms of Garlic far from me so We are Nasty to that rubber belly button next to us.

Sincerely,
Dr. Mr. Pepper Pibb

Bob Von Dinkle

OK Pause join together and hear. Frozen water has returned corresponding with various items newly imagined. Grasping Myself with extreme force, moving like a whale killing device all throughout the sun time and scary darkness. Not sure if this will ever cease. Shut down electricity powered globes of light and I will shine. Limitlessly hardcore vigor enables me to throw down with a voice enhancer like a criminally insane petty offender. Glowing on a platform of performances I dip a dumb ass in beeswax like a wick light stick. Moving your body in a rhythm oriented fashion to boxes of sound crashing like a bomb. I will eliminate life from your organic central processing unit like a fungus that incurs vile illness. I indirectly murder when I makes sounds that are of the awesome sort. Certain actions that are sub par result in conviction. Be amorous or depart, you should probably increase in mass. It is necessary for you to strike the center this child does not frolic. If there was a conflict I would remedy it. observe the beat while my overpaid record player spins it around.

Frozen water, frozen water infant

index cZar

So my mom caps lock was playing PlayStation while I was shooting up some coffee. Then I turned around and got an email about getting some but it was all gone so Anna Nicole Smith swooped in with a huge needle to suck out all the coffee from my veins to give it to the hard drive. I was so jittery but all of a sudden I felt soo mellow. Next time I went out to drive my car I made sure that my windows are Windexed. Just then I thought about something for a long time and I deliberated and finally decided that it was finally time to make my country western music rap dance video, nothing like what is out there I would call it the Fried Okra Shake. Man that was a long day of surfing, time to drink some soothing syrup and go to bed but before I could I just had to remember where my lip gloss was. It became a quest but who has the time to remember where it is except for the guy down the street who had it under the passenger seat of his Chevy Malibu. But how was I supposed to know that it was there! good thing I knew a Private Investigator such as myself to help me. So I told myself what my problem was and I was on the case! After gathering up all the clues and shit I was 100 percent positive that my lip gloss was on the bench in the park but of course a dazzly bum stole it to go with his collection of other sparkly attributes. So all was lost and I would never know. Good thing Target was right down the street and open 24 hours so I could get new hair spray immediately. Otherwise now and then my sub woofers sound like an animal died in them so I hired a seeing eye dog to build me new ones. Till then I just focus on shooting up stuff around the house and doing the Fried Okra Shake.

Watermelon Spaghetti Sauce

I tried locking the sliding glass door and it just would not lock and it seemed to be 3 layers deep so I panicked while running around the house trying to lock all the doors especially the one in the bathroom that leads out to the driveway. Obviously no one was trying to get in but actually they were I knew it, I heard voices under my bedroom. It was probably someone I owe money to but I don't have any money to pay them back so I went to find crazy straw to defend myself with. all in all the night went well watching Aqua teen hunger force and eating beer flavored Ice cream.

Iocaine Powder

I was sitting in my room the other day clipping my finger nails and all of a sudden a plane crashed in my yard, the pilot comes up to the door and politely asks to use my phone to call a tow. Of course I obliged and asked if there was anybody hurt, he said there wasn't and we just continued talking. Turns out he was a pilot for a secret mission to scope out potential hiding spots for the 4 most intelligent people in the world. The mission was so top secret he said that he may have to kill me now that I know. I was In shock because I never asked for any of this information or that a freaking plane crash in my effing house crushing my precious little lawn gnomes! I says to him I says a battle of whits then...you lose I win simple as that, I lose I win how does that sound. He agreed and the battle began. Stay tuned to see the outcome, If I don't blog for a while I guess you have your answer.

everything should come in a string cheese format

I was brushing my adorable sons blond locks after his weekly wipe down when he looked up at me and in such an articulate voice said "mother, when do I know I'm grown up" To which I replied "now you like to stick your hands in the toilet and poop in your pants, you will understand, little one, when it's the other way around" Then he played outside as I sprayed everything down with bug poison we ate some honey suckle and hallucinated together. I sure will look back and miss these times when he's all adulty and I'm "that girl" turned old with a Virginia Slim Luxury Light Menthol 120 hanging out of my mouth baking in the sun calling him once a day to bitch about our shitty relationship and guilting him with stories of his horrific birth and all the years I sacrificed so he could be successful. That's what I've decided is all I ever want to do with my life.

Meanwhile he has very skillfully thrown all of his food all over the floor and is excaping the high chair. son of a....

Beef Eraser

This is how it always starts a normal Saturday at home turns into an episode directly from the 80's sitcom horror days. I was smoking my morning cigarette when out of the corner of my eye I catch this freaking scary ass old man climb out from under my car and he says to me in an extraordinarily good fake British accent "ello mum is this your car?" I was like "ummm yes what the hell were you doing installing a bomb?!" "no" he says "I just have been living there for years and normally I don't come out at this time but my pet iguana has run away you wouldn't have happened to seen him per chance?" well of course at this point the nicotine in my veins was not enough to keep my brain calm in this situation, where did this abnormal creature come from and why was he under my car and what the fuck does he mean his pet iguana! I turned my head and scoped the yard as if to care and when I turned back towards him he was trying to unhinge an extremely large case from under my car. " little help" he motioned to me. "what! are you serious! what are you doing get out of my yard or I call the police! in fact no I'm dialing now!" to which he replied "there's nothing your police can do to the likes of me miss, now I'll be on my way to find me iguana Charles thank you, sorry to a troubled ya" he grabbed his case that had funky stickers all over it and it was all shiny in the parts that were not covered and it had a really really pretty brass handle. then oddly, out of it he pulled out a huge umbrella (that rightfully should not have fit in that case) and opened it as if it were raining yet it was totally sunny and hot on Saturday. At this point this all seemed so super surreal to me that I honestly thought I was having a flashback or something there is no way that just happened but later on that day as I had forgotten about it all I walked outside to get in my car and strike me down if there wasn't a fucking iguana sitting on the hood of my car.

bus stop

So I was riding on the back of this huge Bengal tiger through this valley of trees that had umbrellas for branches and swizzle stick for leaves. The guys name was Millard or Nancy I can't really recall but he definitely had on some super awesome yellow jumbo sunglasses and sported a pompadore. he was standing at the end of what looked like pretty much the coolest roller coaster I have ever seen but to get to it you had to take a boat, when The Tiger was like yo I can swim so he flipped over onto his back and we all jumped on. the entire time the kinks play in the back round. I wish the Ice Cream tasted like Pepperoni Pizza and Licorice. I got to the Roller coaster and it was closed and I looked around for some kind of explanation but all I saw was my grampa standing with a will work for food sign in a crispy white suit and patent leather shoes. I had some pizza licorice Ice cream and we ate it and we laughed all day long while the clouds bounced us around like a couple of pin balls.

Nay, twas a dream

Vargas walks down the street with some peking duck and tortillas. He comes across the bum who he passes by all the time and has given change on many occasions. The bum says hey can u spare some change. Vargas just keeps walking. Trying to find a place to eat in this god forsaken town is ridiculously hard if u don’t want to spend like a million dollars. I don’t want to go to that place on account of the murders he tells me. well we end up going there. I love coffee so much especially when its mixed with ice cream, I got one at this stupid place. The ambiance was sirens and wretched heavy metal. So depressing. This is where I learned about guns first hand. So we finish eating and we are just sitting there talking and smoking our well deserved after meal cigarettes, I was still sipping on the coffee shake he got. Vargas decides this would be a great place to whip out his new 2000 dollar lap top. I was just kidding about the whole gun part I still havnt seen a gun in my life cept for the talkies. so these are the nights when it is beautiful weather and the city just seems such a perfect place to be. I love the city, vargas love the city. his truck does not like the city too much all the cobblestones. How in the hell did that happen?